So this is literally the last thing I need to be doing now. 1am, Thursday night. But what can I say? I'm impulsive. As soon as an idea pops into my head it steadily gains importance, until all of the sudden it becomes extremely urgent. This is one of those things. I feel like I won't really get a good night's sleep until I set up a blog and write my first post.
I feel pretty caffeinated right now. That probably has something to do with it.
Tonight is the eve of the closing weekend of
Table Setting, my life's work for the past several months. It's crazy to look back and see where God has brought me since last year. In some ways it's monumental, and in other ways it seems very ordinary, like "what else could I possibly be doing?"
What's crazy, and a little sad, is that this is really the expression of my heart's desire and it's happening, which is great, but I'm already thinking about what the next big step for me will be. Is it possible to be really present in phase? Sometimes it seems inappropriate and irresponsible not to be constantly looking ahead, but that means you're never really where you are completely.
There's a lot of truth to the new-agey philosophy in the Brian Kest Power Yoga video. "Be where you're at, cuz you're already there". By the way, if you didn't think you could get a real work out from yoga, try this video, it's awesome.
If there's anything I've learned in the past few months, it's that reflecting is a discipline. Choosing to be in the present moment, and practice stillness. And I'm not that great at it. I have visions of myself spending time in solitude, counting my blessings, seeing beauty in simple things, writing encouraging notes to people in my life. The truth is that it takes a tremendous amount of effort for me to do these things even though I know that they're good for me. In the craziness of the last few weeks I have really been craving stillness, but have not made space. Tomorrow is a new day though, so I'll try again.
So...it was bound to come up some time right? I'm a 22 year old single female, with several friends getting engaged. And when it comes to this topic I just feel like I'm way behind, and getting too old, and missing out. None of those statments are true--I know, on a rational level, but they come up all the time. ESPECIALLY when watching television. Grey's Anatomy, Sex in the City, even The Office. It's almost impossible not to develop unrealistic and grandeose notions of relationships. So then the question becomes, what do I allow myself to take in? This is a matter of discipline.
