Celebrate good times

The Magic of Disney
Originally uploaded by Stuck in Customs

Some ideas for 2008
(Hopes/goals/suggestions for the coming year, in no particular order I won't sabotage myself by making resolutions)

1.Blog more. I like the idea of blogs. I read other people's musings on various things. Many times in a week I actually think "wow, that was interesting, I should post about it". Sadly, that almost never happens. But not in 2008!

2. Organize. Papers, photos, desktop, closet, under the bed (aaah)

3. Correspond. KIT, yeah. I love the idea of writing letters, and sending them off, and getting mail, and reading letters.

4. Budget. Make one, put it in a visible place, and try to follow it.

5. Cook more. Cuz, why not?

6. Yoga. Keep it up.

7. Margins. I want to be more intentional about having down time in between scheduled activities. More space in the day to do nothing in iparticular.

8. Visit my nieces. At Christmas my 8month old niece Sonai didn't recognize me :-( That can't happen! By next Christmas we will be good friends.

9. Get a digital camera and take pictures of my life.

10. Continue playing scrabulous.

civic duty

Today I reported for jury duty. For the first time ever, I actually had to go into the courtroom. Well the courtroom waiting room. There was a lot of waiting. Correction: there was only waiting. I brought a lot of things to keep me busy. I weighed my bag when I got home. 10lbs of stuff to keep my busy! I'm not proud of that by the way. Jury duty is a great people watching opportunity. If I could sketch people I would have done that too. But i can't so I to mental notes instead.

The guy sitting on my left spent the day playing his old school nintendo game boy. I haven't seen one of those in years. I almost didn't know what it was. A big gray box with with the 3 buttons. The guy on my left stared into space. He doodled for a bit on the one of the handouts they gave us. but other than that he just sat. I observed many others around the room with the same agenda. sitting and staring. How can you show up for a day of waiting with absolutely nothign to do? What's that about? I was distracted by these people . I felt a little concerned for them, like "isn't there something you should be doing now, or working on? Why don't you get a magazine from the rack over there. you know just to keep yourself occupied"? After lunch the guy on my left had a magazine.

There was a couple siting in front of me that was working on a puzzle. A 1000 jigsaw piece puzzle that was left in the room. They were kind of together but it wasn't clear. definitely an ambiguous relationship. Did they meet at jury duty? Did they know each other from before? Did they arrange to report on the same day? There was a lot of flirting going on. One person kept reaching over the other to get to a puzzle piece and such. There was an exchange of phone numbers at the end of the day. Maybe they'll keep in touch.

The hour ahead of me

The end of the day sucks the life out of me. If I have to stare at a computer screen for another minute...absolutely nothing will happen. I want to go home. In ten minutes I will get to ride my bike for about 10 minutes. I'll pass through the campus, then the by the elmentary school, then by the house where belizian men play pool and watch t.v. outside. Then I will be in my little house. I will set the timer on the oven for 30 minutes. I'll pull out my space heater into the living room. I will curl up and read my book. For 30 minutes. The timer will go off, sadly, then I will read for about 7 more minutes. Then I will be responsible. And I will pull out my laptop, and start my work for the evening.

J

Have you ever taken the Meyrs Briggs Test ?

I took the test for the first time a few years ago and found that my type is "ENFP" Extroverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Perceiving. I was so excited. I read the descriptions on whatever internet site I took the test on, and felt so known. Yes, I know that's ridiculous. But really, I totally identified with the description. It was so me. And it was very different from most of the people I was around during college, which made me feel even more special. And I love to feel special. Ps are very laid back. They don't like making set plans, they like to play things by ear. See what happens. Don't push it. Let things flow. Ps are very cool. I liked thinking of myself that way. Especially in the context of Stanford where many people had clear ideas about many things. For example, the courses they wanted to take three quarters in advance. No thanks.

Now that I'm out of school, things are different. Deadlines, e-mail response etiquette, deciding where to go for dinner. My attitude about all these things has shifted. I have come to loathe the "maybe" section of eVites. Why chose maybe when you can choose yes or no? Because let's be real, most people who chose maybe are just politely saying no. So just do the host a favor and say no upfront. I retook the test a few months ago. The results were quite revealing. Post college I am a J. Judging. And not just a little bit, but a very strong J. It was hard to accept for the first few minutes. But I've pretty much embraced it. It's not as cool as the P, it will never be. But there's something very satisfying about J. J is responsible, and knows what she wants. J is unapologetic and unconcerned with what other people think about her. J takes personality tests very, very seriously. Now I feel really empowered to be decisive. The test is only supposed to describe what's already there, but because I'm so impressionable, it has given me permission to adopt a new outlook.

In some ways I will remain P. I think it will always be hard for me to finish a book that isn't a page turner, and arrive somewhere early or on time, or pick out my outfit for the first day of anything without a second opinion.

must hold on to this

Breathe in: You are the potter
Breathe out: I am the clay

the highlight of my work day

1:57 PM me: how goes the work?

1:58 PM Jennifer: eh

having a hard time focusing

2:00 PM me : i can relate

2:01 PM i love when pandora plays multiple good songs in a row

21 minutes

2:23 PM Jennifer: yay :)

me: what are you doing tonight?

2:25 PM Jennifer: running

2:26 PM with my coworker

also doing some SP work

2:27 PM me: cool

well if you'd like, you can join me at panera in the pm????

2:28 PM i guess we're already in the pm

2:30 PM Jennifer: haha

2:31 PM what panera

and what time?

hmm

actually

I dohn't think so

b/c I won't have my stuff with me

I would need to go bck home

and that would be a pain

me: not till 8ish

santa monica

Jennifer: what time do they close??

2:32 PM me: i think 10.

i need to double check

Jennifer: that's not much time

me: eh...i know

maybe i shouldn't do the yoga

margh

8 minutes

2:40 PM Jennifer: margherita

2:41 PM me: i can't find the hours anywhere online :(

2:42 PM maybe i'll go there first, then go to the gym late

Jennifer: why don't you call them?

me: no one answers

2:43 PM Jennifer: oh

:(

6 minutes

2:50 PM me: i made contact

it's only open til 9

2:51 PM Jennifer: really

that is not much

me: maybe i'll just go right after work

then go to the gym on my way home

2:52 PM Jennifer: okay

2:53 PM me: are you eating dinner at home?

Jennifer: eventually

after I run

2:54 PM me: i don't know if i can wait...time is of the essence

not a second to spare!

tic, tic, tick

aaaaaah!

i'm going crazy here at my desk

aaaaah!

i'm going to explode

HEEEEELP

I can't take the spreadsheets anymore!

ALL THE SPREADSHEETS

2:55 PM Jennifer: oh my gosh

you're freakign out

2:56 PM me: deep breaths

2:57 PM okay, i'm better now

Jennifer: good

me: i definitely LOLed

then my boss came back

Jennifer: haha

me: i'll just have dinner at panera

by my lonesom

maybe those cute christian guys will be there aga in

6 minutes

3:04 PM Jennifer: hahaha

9 minutes

3:13 PM me: how does turkey chicpea chilli sound?

Jennifer: okay

3:16 PM me: just okay

3:17 PM Jennifer: yes

just okay

I think it could be good

but something about it when I just see the words makes me think of too much cumin

me: mmm

6 minutes

3:23 PM me: have you had soup there before?

i wonder if they let you taste them

Jennifer: uh

I don't think so

would be my guess

I haven't had soup there

3:24 PM me: not like an ice cream situation

3:27 PM Jennifer: what?

3:28 PM me: you know an ice cream situation, where you can taste before you buy

3:32 PM Jennifer: oh

right

here's the thing about LA...

I'm not making this up.

Role	Role Type	Gender/Age/Ethnicities	Description/Note
You and your life	Co-Star	Male or Female / 20 to 30 / All Ethnicities	We are looking for men and women ages 20-30 who are in the midst of a difficult personal crisis involving love, work or family. We are especially interested in relationship issues. If you: -are actively dating and looking for love -have lots of drama going on in your life -live in the LA area -are excited to talk about yourself on camera on the internet -are interested in being on a cool, new cutting edge broadband series PLEASE TELL US A LITTLE ABOUT THE DRAMA GOING ON IN YOUR LIFE

LA Fitness

 i had an audition for an la fitness training video this afternoon. four months ago i would have thought that was rediculous, yet there i was this afternoon, sitting in starbucks, faithfully going over my lines "Wow, a really fantastic workout? It's probably been three, four, five years. That's not so good is it?" That was the height of my character's arch I'd say. The weirdest part? Objectively it's not weird, but in my head it is: I was super nervous! I got there 20 min early so i could get settled and use the restroom, but as soon as i came out they were waiting for me. An actor who was also auditioning read the scene with me. There was a large room with a camera and three people behind a long desk. It was just like i would excpect an auditioning room to be. I had this moment where i was reaching into my plastic folder for my headshot (that i had just picked up from the printer 40min prior)--like "wow, so this is it. this is what i'm going to be seeing a lot of soon--hopefully." this moment, like i've arrived, at the fate of any person trying to get anywhere in the entertainment industry in this city. I'm there now too. Before when I could hear actors talking about auditions, and call backs an agents and SAG and on and on, I could kind of distance myself. No longer. It's sobering, and exciting too. Then I had a moment where  I was like --"doh, i shouldn't have had my headshot in a folder--wasting precious time taking it out". In retrospect I saw about three people outside of the building on the street leaving the audition I suppose just holding their headshots. And I thought "well, that's weird that they're not in an envelope or anything". Now I see this is a trick of the trade: take as little with you as possible. I will never again carry my headshot in a  clear plastic folder. The LA Fitness audition itself--not so hot. I got through the lines, but that was about it. They said "have fun with it" but what does that mean? Does that mean I should ad lib, or does that just mean they want me to look like I'm having fun with the very unnatural dialogue?  I don' t think I embarrassed myself, but if I were on the other side of the table I wouldn't have remembered my audition. As we were leaving the office the actor I was reading with tells me that it was great to work with me, etc--a great 1.5 minutes--then he says "Were you a little nervous?" "Yeah" I say "a little" then he says "I could tell, but I think it's okay because it kind of works with the character--you know, she's kind of nervous about just starting to work out again and...". At that moment I hate all actors, why do we say things like that? He was a nice guy though. I'm taking a commercial workshop starting tomorrow and i'm actually looking forward to learning about how to audition for commercials--I never thought I would say that.

Missed connections

Panera Bread in Santa Monica

Dear man sitting across the way. The glow of laptop in the eveing is quite flattering on your face. I think you are very attractive. You're speaking another language on your cell phone. I'm intrigued. Are you single? Are you under 30? What brings you to Panera on a Sunday night? You look smart. And you have a laptop. So that says something right? You have a bit of a nerdy thing going on which is just plain cute. You look like the scrabble type. I'm learning scrabble, it's a fun game. If you're willing to add up my score I will play a game with you.

Gray

Gray days like this are awesome. They're infrequent enough here in LA that I actually enjoy them. It's easier to work and feel serious and be reflective. It makes sense to listen to Sufjan Stevens and sip a warm beverage and be on the verge of tears for no reason at all. And eat some dry puffins perhaps.

Ira Glass

I think something happens to me when I see a show or go to an event by myself. It's not an experience that's unique to me, because I've heard other people talk about it too, but it's so different from going in a group or even with one other person. I feel so connected to the speaker or artists on stage; everything is just a little bit larger and more important. I'm way more impressionable when I'm alone, because I feel free to give myself over to the discussion without being distracted by what's going on for other people.

I just went to see Ira Glass speak at USC. So I was pretty gung-ho about making it work this time even though it meant going by myself. Wow. So refreshing. It amazes me that someone can seem so personable and honest and down to earth and incredibly profound at the same time while addressing thousands of people.

I remember the first time I heard This American Life I was in the car with my dad on saturday morning and we were on the way to my voice lessons. It became a saturday morning ritual. If you're reading this and you haven't heard it, download the free podcast. It's awesome. Seriously it has been one of the most influential factors in my development as an artist in terms of fostering a love for story telling and understanding the power of stories in creating empathy among people.

An aside.

Once in my acting class we had an exercises where we had to think of one famous person (not necessarily an actor) who we greatly admired and wanted to have a conversation with. When we each came up with the person the assignment was to go up in front of the class and "call" that person on the phone, introduce ourselves, and ask them to mentor us or share an idea for a project that we had. We were only given 10 minutes to think of the person, and I couldn't think of anyone who I really wanted to call, and actually say something to. It's one thing to respect some one's work and an entirely other to feel so strongly about their contribution that you want to reach out and contact them. I chose Angela Basset. She's a great actor, who I actually have met twice, but I don't feel especially connected to her work. The "conversation" went okay, but I was kind of reaching. I mean the goal wasn't to do this incredible improv or anything, but just to be honest and share what that person meant to you. I still wanted to have a certain entertainment value, so I ended up stretching what she means to me and how much i look up to her, etc, etc. I think I even said something like "you should have definitely gotten that oscar instead of Halle". Of course after I went up I thought of like three other people I should have called instead. And I wanted to do the exercise over, but again that wasn't the point. The teacher said that the point was to get us to start thinking of ourselves as a part of a community of artists. If someone has had such an influence on you then you should tell them. It doesn't matter how out of reach someone seems, if you really want to send a message you can--through the mail to their agent, e-mail, whatever. You can and you should. And if you do have a good idea for a project, why shouldn't you share it with that person? If you think you have a connection, you're probably right, and you should take it seriously. Don't become a stalker or anything, but take your ideas seriously. So all that being said, throughout the talk tonight I was thinking about how it would be cool to sit down and have a conversation with Ira Glass. Because he's so interesting and relatable.

At the end of his talk there was a Q and A time, so I asked him about moving on from ideas. During the talk he had a portion where he gave advice to people who wanted to make creative things professionally. He said most people feel insecure because they can't think of the topic or question they want to create around. By his estimate, it's completely normal for at least 50% of your time to be spent coming up with a good idea. So during the Q and A I asked "When do you decide to abandon an idea?" He basically said there's no cut and dry. Each show they produce takes anywhere from 4-6months to develop. For every episode there's about 8 that didn't make it. And of that 8 maybe 4 were fully produced and then tossed later. He said most ideas aren't great. When they're looking for a story to produce they're trying to get lucky--hoping to find something that's really compelling. By having so many stories around they're upping the odds of stumbling upon that incredibly profound and universal perspective that hasn't been tapped yet. In Ira's words "most ideas are only approaching mediocrity. At their best they are crap" Once you see that, you need to move on. Most ideas are only approaching mediocrity! This past week in our Streetlamp Studio meeting we read an excerpt from Frank Schaeffer's book Addicted to Mediocrity. It's about the state of arts in the Church. There are SO many ideas out there to be pursued that relate truths about life and spirituality that other (non artistic) forms can't, but it seems there just aren't enough people who care enough to put in the time to push through the crap to what's really powerful.

When it was all over I stuck around at the reception and waited with small mob of other people to meet Ira Glass. I figured, I'd come this far why not go the distance and take a picture with him. Not the intimate one-one meeting I'd like to have, but better than nothing. Eventually I made my way to the innermost circle. I was really beaming with excitement about getting to meet Ira Glass. I introduced myself, and said that I had been listening to his show for 10 years. And then I told him that I'm an actor and a writer and that the show was pretty important in my choice to pursue the arts. "Really?" he said, "Thanks". Then I asked if we could take a picture, and someone in the crowd took it for me on my cell phone.

digital ADD and loss

1. I consider myself a generally stable person, but when I'm in front of my computer something happens and I lose all ability to focus. In general I'm proud of being a multi-tasker. It's even on my resume. On deeper reflection though, I'm a little embarrassed about my flighty tenancies.  I do many things at once, but to what end? In the last 10 minutes I have
-searched for google images of sheep, "leap" and "jump"
-read about Rosh Hoshana and Yom Kipur
-signed a pettition about the Jenna 6
-updated my facebook picture
-asked an old professor for a recommendation
-switched e-mail accounts multiple times
-looked up this week's winner of Top Chef
These are the signs of times. My friend Casey introduced me to this awesome game called wiki-racing. Basically you play with another person on their computer and compete to see who can relate two obscure topics (selected by a third party) in the shortest amount of time using only wiki links. Players are not allowed to go to any external websites or use the back button in the browser. It's awesome. There are few games that I'm really really excited about, but wiki racing challenges me and channels my internet ADD-ness in a way that nothing else can. The adrenialine rush of being able to connect avocados to Jesus in less than two minutes  is exhilarating.

2. A few years ago my bike was stolen. I had left it in the same place for several days without a bike lock. So, I deserved to have it taken right? Debatable. I thought so, but then when I told other people they would say "No, people shouldn't go around stealing things just because they're not locked down" And I kind of agree with that. I mean, it depends on the thing. I have been known to find pens around the office and claim them as my own after checking with a few people in my immediate vicinity first. Finders keepers. I had been using my bike without a lock for weeks, and my roommate at the time had finally bought me one out of pure generosity right before it was stolen. After that I felt entitled to have whatever bike I could find without a lock. The whole experience hardened me. Whoever was stupid enough to leave their bike unlocked had it coming anyway. I wasn't on an active hunt, but I did kind of check out every bike that I saw whenever I walked somewhere. Once I found one. I couldn't believe it. Someone just left it there! The naivete! I moved it away from the rack to see if it really was unnatached and it was. I stood there for a second, and then realized how dumb it would be for me to steal someone's bike. That's not one of my proudest moments, but I'm glad I did the right thing. To this day I still have a habbit of checking to see if bikes are locked. Isn't that horrible? I don't even need a bike, but subconsciously I just pay attention to that now.

More recently my lap top was stolen. It wasn't locked. But it was in my apartment which was locked, so it felt like a bigger violation than the bike. I'm not looking to steal other people's laptops, but whenever I see someone with the same computer I'm a little suspicious. I dropped it on it's side once, so it has a unique dent, and I routinely look for a dent on the side of the powerbooks I see in my daily life. At starbucks. In the library. In pictures on craigslist. Sigh. It kind of reminds me of John Cusack's character in Serendipity--how he would look in every used bookstore for Love in a time Cholera--except my situation isn't so hopeful or important in the scheme of my life. It would be awesome though if one day in the future I got a laptop from someone and I turned it on it's side, and discovered that it was my special beat up computer returning to me.

what I learned from Akeelah and the Bee

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
--Marianne Williamson

I want to be Your Shoebox

By Catherine Bowman

I want to be your shoebox

I want to be your Fort Knox

I want to be your equinox

I want to be your paradox

I want to be your pair of socks

I want to be your paradise

I want to be your pack of lies

I want to be your snake eyes

I want to be your Mac with fries

I want to be your moonlit estuary

I want to be your day missing in February

I want to be your floating dock dairy

I want to be your pocket handkerchief

I want to be your mischief

I want to be your slow pitch

I want to be your fable without a moral

Under a table of black elm I want to be your Indiana morel

Casserole. Your drum roll. Your trompe l'oeil

I want to be your biscuits

I want to be your business

I want to be your beeswax

I want to be your milk money

I want to be your Texas Apiary honey

I want to be your Texas. Honey

I want to be your cheap hotel

I want to be your lipstick by Chanel

I want to be your secret passage

All written in Braille. I want to be

All the words you can't spell 

I want to be your International

House of Pancakes. I want to be your reel after reel

Of rough takes. I want to be your Ouija board

I want to be your slum-lord. Hell

I want to be your made-to-order smorgasbord

I want to be your autobahn

I want to be your Audubon

I want to be your Chinese bug radical

I want to be your brand new set of radials

I want to be your old-time radio

I want to be your pro and your con

I want to be your Sunday morning ritual

(Demons be gone!) Your constitutional

Your habitual—

I want to be your Tinkertoy

Man, I want to be your best boy

I want to be your chauffeur

I want to be your chauf-

feur, your shofar, I want to be your go for

Your go far, your offer, your counter-offer

your two-by-four

I want to be your out and in door

I want to be your song: daily, nocturnal—

I want to be your nightingale

I want to be your dog's tail

5 Things that made my day today

5. Having a relaxing lunch with a magazine in a shady spot
4. Finding a cool website with swim workouts--and then doing one (0 to 1 mile in 6 weeks)
3. Listening to Dave Matthews Band on the walk home from the pool-->the idea of a modern/post modern dance party. Perhaps for my birthday. It would be so much fun!!!
2. Enjoying dinner and Taboo with friends
1. Phillip Seymour Hoffman in Along Came Polly. Pure comedic genius.
 

What is this thing called Simple Living?

Lately I've had a strong desire to go shopping. To put together outfits, and try on clothes, and purchase large amounts of stuff. For what? So I can sift through it in a few years and give it away to Good Will. There's such a pull to consume things in this country. And especially in L.A. And let's be real, it's not that I feel preassured to "look" a certain way and that's why I'm so interested in having new things. There's genuinely something inside of me that lights up when I buy something new.

In theory I want to be a person who lives simply--unattached to possesions. Ready to sell all that I have and move if God calls me somewhere. Or, even just ready to move without needing a full day to pack up my belongings. In my mind I think, if it really really came to it I would give everything away, and I probably would, but that's not really the point of living simply is it? To be willing to give up stuff if your life depended on it.

I do not lead a materially simple lifestyle. My DVD collection says it all. It's nearly doubled since graduation.

On a different note, I have come to really enjoy the magazine Real Simple.

Now that's a different type of simple living all together. In fact, it actually fuels my drive to consume things, but under the guise of actually distilling my chaotic life down to some more pure essence of being.

Recently I saw an exhibition of Andrea Zittel's work. She's a new tenure-track faculty person at the USC Roski School of Fine Arts. I don't konw anything about her spiritual background, but she is definitely a proponent of simplicity in every aspect of her life. It's kind of amazing to see the way she creates these comprehensive living units


I could work with the desk (middle image), but would I be up for sleeping, eating, bathing, and working in the same 10ft square space?

11:30pm

I read this great article on sparkpeople.com the other day about procrastination. It was an anti-procrastination piece for people like me. At one point the writer actually asks the reader to stop reading and do something that they've been putting off for a long time. That's what I need. A little kick in the butt. For real. It's been good, the past few days. I've been doing the things I've put off. DISCIPLINE. YAY! I'm actually becoming a more disciplined person. I just have to keep on doing the things I don't want to do that much.
Continuing to go to the gym is actually paying off finally. I'm a little more than halfway to my 10% weight loss goal. The crazy thing is I'm actually enjoying the exercise. I love the way I feel after a really hard work out. Who would of thunk it. I still can't imagine running though. Mostly because of the knee thing. I'm visiting a friend in San Diego in a few weeks and I'm looking forward to going hiking! I've never looked forward to hiking! That is a testimony.

alas sweet romance

Having a crush can be no fun at all. at all. I've officially dropped the hankerchief--tossed it in a certain someone's direction so to speak. And so far nothing has happened. What a bummer! Everyone keeps telling me that they're proud of me for putting myself out there. I don't want to be out there anymore. Out there is cold, and vulnerable. This is just a part of growing up though. Seriously I can't imagine being in this place over and over again by choice. It just seems so unwise, and damaging. There's no taking the handkerchief back. Reaching out with my foot and just quietly sliding it under my chair. Honestly I don't think I've been this honest about my feelings with a guy since high school. My relationship in college doesn't really count, because I didn't do any of the initiating. But in highschool. Man, I'll never really understand what prompted me to send that letter to Grant, a boy I had never even had a conversation with. And we never really did have a REAL conversation. But that one gesture set the tone for my entire junior year. It was all very Wonder Years. I'm not sure what I learned from it all. I guess it strengthened something in me. It's hard to find that again. It was easier then because I really didn't even know the boy. We weren't even acquaintances. This situation is a bit different. I might actually see him again before he responds (if he does at all) to my e-mail. That my friends, makes for an incredibly awkward situation. Awkward turtle.

On relationships and dating

So...it was bound to come up some time right? I'm a 22 year old single female, with several friends getting engaged. And when it comes to this topic I just feel like I'm way behind, and getting too old, and missing out. None of those statments are true--I know, on a rational level, but they come up all the time. ESPECIALLY when watching television. Grey's Anatomy, Sex in the City, even The Office. It's almost impossible not to develop unrealistic and grandeose notions of relationships. So then the question becomes, what do I allow myself to take in? This is a matter of discipline.
frightening word.

jumping on the blog train

So this is literally the last thing I need to be doing now. 1am, Thursday night. But what can I say? I'm impulsive. As soon as an idea pops into my head it steadily gains importance, until all of the sudden it becomes extremely urgent. This is one of those things. I feel like I won't really get a good night's sleep until I set up a blog and write my first post.
I feel pretty caffeinated right now. That probably has something to do with it.
Tonight is the eve of the closing weekend of Table Setting, my life's work for the past several months. It's crazy to look back and see where God has brought me since last year. In some ways it's monumental, and in other ways it seems very ordinary, like "what else could I possibly be doing?"
What's crazy, and a little sad, is that this is really the expression of my heart's desire and it's happening, which is great, but I'm already thinking about what the next big step for me will be. Is it possible to be really present in phase? Sometimes it seems inappropriate and irresponsible not to be constantly looking ahead, but that means you're never really where you are completely.
There's a lot of truth to the new-agey philosophy in the Brian Kest Power Yoga video. "Be where you're at, cuz you're already there". By the way, if you didn't think you could get a real work out from yoga, try this video, it's awesome.

If there's anything I've learned in the past few months, it's that reflecting is a discipline. Choosing to be in the present moment, and practice stillness. And I'm not that great at it. I have visions of myself spending time in solitude, counting my blessings, seeing beauty in simple things, writing encouraging notes to people in my life. The truth is that it takes a tremendous amount of effort for me to do these things even though I know that they're good for me. In the craziness of the last few weeks I have really been craving stillness, but have not made space. Tomorrow is a new day though, so I'll try again.