alas sweet romance

Having a crush can be no fun at all. at all. I've officially dropped the hankerchief--tossed it in a certain someone's direction so to speak. And so far nothing has happened. What a bummer! Everyone keeps telling me that they're proud of me for putting myself out there. I don't want to be out there anymore. Out there is cold, and vulnerable. This is just a part of growing up though. Seriously I can't imagine being in this place over and over again by choice. It just seems so unwise, and damaging. There's no taking the handkerchief back. Reaching out with my foot and just quietly sliding it under my chair. Honestly I don't think I've been this honest about my feelings with a guy since high school. My relationship in college doesn't really count, because I didn't do any of the initiating. But in highschool. Man, I'll never really understand what prompted me to send that letter to Grant, a boy I had never even had a conversation with. And we never really did have a REAL conversation. But that one gesture set the tone for my entire junior year. It was all very Wonder Years. I'm not sure what I learned from it all. I guess it strengthened something in me. It's hard to find that again. It was easier then because I really didn't even know the boy. We weren't even acquaintances. This situation is a bit different. I might actually see him again before he responds (if he does at all) to my e-mail. That my friends, makes for an incredibly awkward situation. Awkward turtle.